2014 has been a very interesting year. As it comes to an end, BellaNaija
seeks to showcase a human interested segment, dedicated to looking back
at the year. We’ve teamed up with a diverse group of individuals and
asked them to share how their
year has been. The brief was ‘a personal
look back at the journey thus travelled. The idea is to use 2014 as a
focal point. The honest and heartfelt piece should talk about your ups
and downs / victories and failures – a general self assessment. It
should be a raw piece which shows you as a person – the human angle is
important.
Each of the participant has
graciously sent us amazing pieces about themselves. As you read these
pieces, and take stock of the year you’ve had, we encourage you to get
inspiration from our 2014 Epilogues.
The 2014 Epilogues gemstones will be dropped at 2pm everyday till the end of the year!
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“Sometimes God’s blessings are not in what He gives; but in what He takes away. He knows best. Trust Him”
I saw this quote recently and I think it just about sums up my 2014.
Let me try and put this in context as best as I can without necessarily
telling a story that isn’t all mine to tell.
I moved cities in 2012 for a new job and the world was my oyster –
new job, new house, new friends. I met him and it was one of those
things that I couldn’t tell you how it started. All I know is that we
were hanging out a lot and spending like three-quarters of a day
together.We did everything together and somehow, in spite my better
judgment, we crossed the severely blurred line from friendship to
something more.
Up until now, I had never felt comfortable enough to do or say
anything. My filters were permanently off, I didn’t play the games. I
had his back and he mine. He got along with my people and vice versa.
Though I wasn’t naïve enough to see into a future of talcum scented
babies, we were ridiculously happy. 31st December 2013, I was at HOTR
Lagos for crossover service. It was a time of spiritual lethargy for me
and when they said to pray concerning 2014, all I could say was “God, if
there’s anything in my life that you haven’t planted, uproot it – even
if it breaks me” I prayed that prayer not knowing where it came from or
why.
The first month of 2014, everything unravelled and I suffered the
greatest betrayal at the hands of my best friend. I’ve never been one of
those women who buy into the theory of “a man’s world”, nor will I ever
condone cheating but I am not above mistakes or forgiveness; so as hurt
as I was by this huge thing (trust me it was huge) I looked at a man
who seemed to be hurting as much as I was, and I said “This is my
person, you don’t leave your person when they need you, no matter how
bad they mess up”. So I sucked in my pain and tried to be there for my
friend. I was the self appointed Olivia Pope stepping in to handle his
mess. I was even the one suggesting marriage to “the other significant
other” (Kai! I can laugh now)
I always say this; when God tries to tell you something and you don’t
listen, He shows you. And boy did God show me! He started to uncover so
many lies and secrets, He made things bare and clearer right before my
eyes. My bad memory became laser sharp, and God made this man naked
before my eyes.
That was when I understood what it meant to be ugly inside. It wasn’t
easy to see that a person who had claimed to love me had zero respect
for me at all, and had concluded that my good heart was wrapped in bows
of stupidity. I went through it all – maddening anger, earth shattering
sadness, severe depression, and just lots of good old pain.
It wasn’t that a man cheated on me, it was that someone that I had
put on a pedestal in my life had looked at me in the eye and lied to me
for over a year. It hurt physically. What had I done? It felt like
punishment for something. It was a dark period, but as dark as it was
God, was so clearly in it. In fact, the spiritual manifestation of it
was scary. From vivid dreams that played out right before my eyes, to
sending messages through people I barely spoke to, to being called a
witch. I was angry at God, it was all His doing.
Till I heard Him so clearly say “You asked me to do this, remember?”
That was my rock bottom, and from there it was like swimming to the
surface of a clear ocean. I could see the light and I knew all I had to
do was to keep moving till I reached the top.
The hardest part of it all was forgiving myself for allowing me get
so reckless with my heart. In order to heal, God told me I had to
forgive completely. First the man who had hurt me, and then myself. I
basically went from praying for God to go to Jihad-style war on my
behalf, to asking God to forgive the man that hurt me so badly and bless
him. It was hard o! Sometimes the words just wouldn’t come out, but I
allowed God humble me and I could feel myself healing everyday.
Today I am at a place where I can think of the good memories and
laugh, and even laugh at my low points. I’m no saint, so sometimes I
still wish “motor will jam him small”, but they are few and far between.
I used to tell him “You will never have anyone love you like I did”
like it was the ultimate punishment. Like can’t you see how awesome I
am? The epiphany hit me smack in the face “Boohoo child, get over
yourself!” It was as if I had been seeking validation for myself. Since I
was so awesome no man could cheat or lie to me. I had to realise that
it had nothing to do with who I am, and everything to do with who he is.
We are a product of our choices. I know who I am, I know what I’m
worth flaws and all. If you can’t see that or I’m not your cup of
tea…please jump and pass. Someone else will toss 2 sugars in and slurp
me with delight. I just pray that at the end of the day, everyone stands
at the right bus stop and does not miss their bus when it comes.
My friend asked me what I would do, if I could do things differently;
and to be honest sometimes I wouldn’t change a thing. I’ve taken the
learning experiences from this and become a stronger person for it. God
broke me down completely and put me back together. I can never doubt
that God exists and looks out for me constantly.
It took about half a year but God healed my heart so completely, and
turned my year around. Everything that seemed lost, He gave back in
measures – my happiness, my sense of self and most of all His peace. I
gained better friends from the whole experience and the cherry on top,
was God just generally showing me a good time.
I’ve always wanted to travel the world, and in 2014 alone, I visited 4
continents (3 of them, one kobo of my money nor join inside!) and had
the time of my life.
2014 may not have started well, but it is definitely ending on a high note. From here on, it can only get better.
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